It's really late....and I can't sleep. AGAIN! What am I doing?...
I have always considered myself a stay at home mom. I only worked in my store during school hours and the kids would come to work with me if it was necessary. But then, I lost the store.
I put on a smile and promised myself that since the store closed I would have no excuse for a messy house. I was going to organize all the nooks and crannies. Make healthy breakfast every morning and cook delicious meals for dinner. I swore never to leave dirty clothing piled in heaps on the floor. I was to remove all the junk stacked in corners and become a neat, orderly wife and mother.....
I'm a failure...I haven't done any of that.
Sometimes the never ending monotony of it all is more than I can bear. When I hear my child ask "Mom, when are you going to get a real job"...I want to scream! Doesn't my child get that my job being a mother is a 24 hour roller coaster of highs and lows? NO! Despite my failure of keeping a perfect house and lack of gourmet meals, I think about the little successes. I count my blessings.
Watching my children grow and mature is a marvel and my two greatest blessings. I love seeing my daughter discover the joy of cooking and writing her own recipes...it leaves me in awe. I taught her to cook! Hearing my son reading artfully to his sister adding great sound effects...amazes me. He learned that from me!
I'm responsible for two of Heaven's choice spirits. That is the biggest job I know of. I'm glad to be a mom.
3 comments:
being a mom is definitely the hardest thing in the world. And children, bless their hearts, can't understand it until they go through it...and that is hard right now for me too, sometimes! I also get frustrated at myself for the mess and the lack of perfection. Sometimes I wonder what I do with myself all day! But then I remember, like you did, that you are doing the greatest work there is. Thank you for that reminder today!
geesh, can I just copy that whole post? My feeling exactly. Great intentions, most of the time not executed the way we dreamed of! I have a hard time feeling like a failure too.
You are a wonderful mom and friend, we are lucky to have you. BTW...aren't you more like family?
Jenny,
I had to chuckle at this. I am 100% into the stay at home mom thing and forget the rest of it. I still call myself mom first when people say "what do you do!" Working 50 hours a week at WHATEVER does not define me. Now that I have grown children and they have made choices other than my wishes that does NOT define me either. We get so caught up in things that aren't all so important and sometimes things we can't control anyhow. When my husband left, my teen daughters went wild and my son was diagnosed, all in a short period of time it taught me a lot. So much of what I thaught mattered doesn't and what I always knew was important became a reality of being my legacy. If it will one day burn up you know it don't matter so much. I promise you, based upon my grown daughters responses, your children will remember you for time invested not your cooking, organizational skills or laundry piles! =)
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